The One Where Regina Mills Thinks She's Dying
by MissaSissa
Summary: After the curse breaks, Regina gets her period for the first time. Believing she is dying, she calls Emma for help. Swan Queen fluff and hilariousness ensues.


**Hello! It's been forever since I've written a story, I know. So… here's a funny one-shot for you! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Aw man!" Henry's disappointed voice rang through the loft, prompting Emma to look up tiredly from her half empty bowl of cereal.

"What's up, kid?"

Henry turned to face her, wearing the same disbelieving, condescending look as his other mother had given Emma countless times while chastising her. Regina might not share Henry's DNA, but he sure inherited her sass.

"Are you _blind_?! Look outside!" Henry pouted as he pointed at the rain pouring down the window. "We were supposed to have horse riding and sword fighting lessons today!"

Emma turned to give her mother an eyebrow raised look. Mary Margaret simply shrugged and hid a smirk behind a cup of coffee.

Seeing as she wasn't going to get any help, Emma tried to console her son. "We'll just have to go another time, Henry. Maybe the weather will be better in a few days. Now come eat some breakfast before I decide to eat your share."

Henry sighed and stomped over, throwing himself onto the chair next to Emma. "What about tomorrow?" He asked.

Emma swallowed her drink of orange juice and shook her head. "Tomorrow is your mom's day with you."

Henry mumbled something incoherent under his breath. By the look on his face, Emma knew he wasn't happy about spending the day with Regina. She couldn't really blame him—Regina had manipulated and controlled him his whole life. But Emma also knew Regina loved him, and Henry was still her son.

"Be nice, Henry. She's still your mom," Emma reminded him.

"I hate her."

"Henry!" Both Emma and Mary Margaret scolded him.

Henry looked up at both of them with wide eyes. "What? She's the Evil Queen! She tried to kill you both and took away everyone's happy endings!"

"She still loves you," Emma said.

Henry's mouth snapped shut, as he knew Emma's words were true. That didn't stop him from kicking his feet and jutting his lower lip out in a kicked puppy dog pout.

"Careful," Emma warned through a mouthful of toast. "Your face just might get stuck like that if you keep it up."

Henry glared at her but took her advice, taking to sulking and playing with his food instead.

David entered the loft all smiles, shaking off the rain soaking him and the bag in his hand. "I brought bear claws! Made a special trip all the way from Granny's hoping it'll make up for the bad weather."

David ruffled Henry's hair playfully as he passed him, eliciting a grumpy whine from the boy. David looked to his daughter for an answer, but Emma simply shook her head in a warning to keep quiet.

After breakfast, Henry disappeared into his room to read his comic books, apparently wanting to be alone. Emma lounged on the couch while Mary Margaret and David finished up the breakfast dishes. She sighed as she TV didn't respond to the remote she was holding.

"Power's out."

David tested a light switch to confirm. "I guess today is a board game and book day, huh?"

Emma distracted herself with a car magazine, but she found she was unable to focus. Her thoughts kept drifting to Regina. Though she and the mayor weren't exactly friendly with each other (quite the opposite actually), she hoped Regina was faring well in this weather. The mayor wasn't the fix it type, and now that the town hated her she wasn't going to get any help from anyone.

"Earth to Emma." Emma blinked as a hand was waved in front of her face.

"What's up?" She asked.

David pointed to her magazine. "You've been reading that same article for 10 minutes. Everything alright?"

Emma threw the magazine down on the coffee table. "I'm just hoping everyone is doing well in this storm."

Mary Margaret handed her and David cups of steaming hot cocoa. "We're all pretty resourceful. We had to be, back in the Enchanted Forest. A little rain never hurt anyone. Unless you're the wicked witch of the west."

"Or the Evil Queen," David muttered between sips of his cocoa.

Emma's phone vibrated loudly against the coffee table. She picked it up, surprised to see Regina's name on the screen. "Hello?"

"Miss Swan," Regina growled on the other end of the phone.

Emma rolled her eyes, preparing herself to get bitched out for something. "Everything okay over there, Madame Mayor?"

"No," came the response.

Emma sat up a little and turned up the volume on her phone. It almost sounded as if Regina was in pain. "Regina, are you alright?"

"Just get over here," Regina responded before the line went dead.

Emma hung up the phone and quickly threw on her boots and jacket, ignoring the surprised looks she was getting from her parents.

"Is everything alright?" Mary Margaret asked.

"I just need you guys to watch Henry. Make sure he doesn't sneak off; Regina would kill me if he got pneumonia from being out in this storm," Emma answered before leaving.

* * *

The door opened immediately after Emma rang the doorbell to reveal a tearful Regina, dressed very unlike herself in a red bathrobe. "Come in."

Emma did so, shaking the rain off herself before removing her jacket and boots in the foyer. "Is everything alright, Regina?"

To her surprise, the mayor burst into tears. "Emma, I think I'm dying."

Emma's eyes widened, and she looked Regina over for signs that what she was saying was true. She had never seen Regina cry before, much less full on sobbing. Though Regina was a pain in the ass and deserved the cold shoulder she was receiving, Emma couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy. Nobody deserved to be alone.

Emma reached out and patted Regina on the shoulder, somewhat awkwardly. This seemed to help, for Regina's cries quieted down into quiet sniffling. Emma grabbed a flashlight from the few sitting out on the dining room table before heading toward the basement.

"Do you think I have time to switch the generator on before you die?" Emma called over her shoulder, leaving Regina to follow behind her.

Regina sniffled loudly. "N—next to the washer by the clothes hamper."

Emma successfully got the generator running and headed back upstairs to see paperwork sitting on the kitchen table. "Is this a will?" She asked as she picked up the first page.

"I prepared a will years ago, if anything should happen to me all of my assets will go to Henry. You will have control over them until he becomes old enough of course, seeing as how you're going to be raising him from now on."

Emma shook her head and sat down. "What's going on, Regina?"

"I think I'm hemorrhaging. Or I'm under a deadly curse."

Emma looked at the woman skeptically. "Why do you think that?"

"I woke up this morning with a horrible pain in my stomach and I felt very nauseous. When I got up, there was blood on the sheets," Regina answered, hugging herself. "I then burst into tears for no reason. I was going to call Whale, but I doubt he will help me as everyone in this town hates me."

Emma fought to hide the smirk creeping onto her face. "So then what did you do?"

"I took a shower and it made it worse. Blood was all over me, my bathtub. I've ruined about 10 pairs of underwear and 3 pairs of silk pajama pants. I fear I only have hours left. I only called you because I refuse to let anyone important see me like this."

Emma blinked, then burst out laughing. Only Regina Mills would prepare a will for a monthly period. How ridiculous is that?!

"This isn't funny!" Regina yelled, then burst into tears once more, sitting against the wall with her knees to her chest. "I suppose it's karma for me, seeing as how I hurt countless innocent people."

Emma forced herself to stop laughing, seeing as how Regina was truly distressed. "Regina, you're not dying. You're on your period."

The brunette stopped crying to blink up at her in confusion. "What's a period?"

Emma stared at her in shock. Regina was at least a century older than her and had no idea what a monthly period was?

"Have you not had a period before, Regina?" Emma asked softly, kneeling in front of the woman and offering her a tissue.

Regina shook her head. "Mother always said only peasants had such things, that it signified witchcraft and that everyone who got it perished. She would make me a special tea each month so it wouldn't affect me. I drank it for years until I created Storybrooke and sent everyone here. By then, time was frozen, so it didn't matter."

Emma smiled and shook her head. "You're going to be fine. I'll explain everything and help you through it."

"You won't leave me, right?" Regina's lip trembled and her brown eyes widened in fear. She looked so much like Henry in that moment. "I—I know I say that I hate you and your family, but I have come to only have a general dislike of you, Miss Swan."

Emma rolled her eyes and helped Regina up. "Gee, Regina, that means so much to know that you only hate me a little bit."

Emma ran a bath and gathered up all of Regina's dirty laundry before grabbing her monthly emergency kit from the glovebox of her car. Regina was settled in the bathtub looking calmer as she relaxed amongst the bubbles surrounding her. Emma couldn't help but stare, imagining how the mayor looked underneath the surface.

Her lustful haze was put to a stop as Regina caught her staring. "You're as bad as a teenage boy, Miss Swan."

Emma blushed furiously and avoided her gaze. "Is your stomach feeling any better?"

"The warm water is helping. And the bleeding has stopped. I think you're free to go," Regina answered.

"Not quite." Emma held up her box of supplies. "This is going to last for at least a week, so you'll need to use these things."

Regina sat up, her mouth dropping open in shock. "A _week_? How will I survive losing that much blood?!"

Emma averted her eyes from Regina's soap-outlined breasts and plucked a box of tampons out of the box. "All women go through this every month. It sucks, but it's normal. You'll survive. And you use these to stop the blood flow."

Regina took one from Emma and inspected it. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"You, um, put it inside your… your baby maker."

"Excuse me?" Regina snapped, throwing the tampon back at Emma. "No."

Emma complained as it hit her in the face. "You can also use this. It's called a pad and it doesn't go inside. You just put it inside your underwear that way you don't bleed through."

Regina took the pad and glared at it. "Why does it have wings?"

"To secure it."

Regina threw the pad back at her angrily. "It looks like a diaper. No, I will not be using that either."

Emma sighed. "You have to use one or the other, Regina. Do you want me to demonstrate?"

"No!" Regina exclaimed, horrified.

Emma left Regina alone for a few minutes to allow her to change, hearing a muffled curse coming from inside the bathroom before Regina opened the door.

"Having difficulties?" Emma teased.

"Give me the damn diaper," Regina hissed, grabbing the box of pads before slamming the door in Emma's face.

By the time Regina emerged from the bathroom, Emma had made grilled cheese sandwiches for them both. "My stomach hurts again," Regina said quietly, sitting down at the kitchen table.

Emma grabbed their stuff and led Regina to her bedroom. "Come on. I have something that will help."

Regina nestled under the covers and munched on her grilled cheese quietly. Normally, the mayor would complain about the amount of fat and general unhealthiness that came with a grilled cheese sandwich, but her period cravings were helping with that.

"Lift your shirt," Emma instructed.

Regina glared at the blonde as if she had just demanded her to get naked. "Why?"

"Just trust me," Emma sighed.

Regina did so somewhat warily. Her pained expression relaxed however as Emma laid a heating pad over her abdomen. Emma gently tugged the woman's shirt back down, admiring the fitness of her stomach. Regina really was attractive, though she often acted insecure. Emma wondered what happened to make her like that.

Regina moaned in content as she finished off her second chocolate bar. "This period thing is going to make me fat. It feels as though I gained 10 pounds.'

Emma chuckled. "That's called bloating. It just makes it seem that way. You're still as tiny and beautiful as ever."

An awkward silence fell over the two at the remark. Emma cleared her throat and climbed off the bed. "I guess I should get back to Henry now."

"You're leaving?!" Regina momentarily panicked. Her eyes held a vulnerability that Emma had never seen before, and it pulled on her heartstrings.

"I guess I could… stay for a few more hours," Emma offered.

Regina sniffed. "I'll be fine, Miss Swan. We both know you can't stand me, I apologize for taking up so much of your time."

Emma opened her mouth to speak, then thought better of it and went to the door. She could hear Regina crying silently behind her, and she stopped in the doorway before turning around. "I don't hate you, Regina. Despite what you may think, you've kind of grown on me. And you raised Henry and loved him, the way I couldn't. So I respect you."

Regina's cries became vocal now. "You really don't hate me?"

Emma smiled and went to sit on the edge of the bed. "Of course not. You may be a pain in my ass sometimes, but you and me, we're a lot alike. I'd almost say we were friends."

"I wouldn't go that far," Regina scoffed.

Emma chuckled, knowing the woman wasn't being malicious. "Well, maybe we can be. We share Henry now, we have to learn to get along."

And for the first time, Regina Mills offered her a genuine smile, making Emma's heart flutter inside her chest. "I'd like that."

Emma climbed in beside her, turning on the TV to an adult cartoon channel. Naturally, Regina complained of course, but soon she joined in on Emma's laughter until both of them were crying tears of happiness.

The storm stopped as the sun began to set and they had watched at least 4 episodes. Emma looked over at Regina to say something to see the woman had fallen asleep, lightly curled against Emma's side.

The blonde gently brushed back Regina's hair from her face and gave her a soft kiss to her forehead before covering her with a blanket and going to make a phone call to her parents to let them know she was staying the night. It seems Regina was slowly winning her over.

* * *

When Regina woke the next morning, Emma was just bringing in a tray of breakfast food. "You stayed," Regina said, sitting up in bed and stifling a yawn.

"I had to make sure you weren't going to die on me during the night," Emma teased, earning herself a glare from Regina.

"Well, thank you," Regina said, beginning to eat the waffles Emma had made. "Truly. I would probably still be curled up in the fetal position if it weren't for you."

Emma shrugged. "I know how it goes. Maybe you can return the favor to me next month."

Regina laughed so hard she snorted, causing Emma to begin laughing as well. "You're lucky that I am a roller coaster of emotions right now, Miss Swan."

Emma simply smiled and shook her head. Regina could deny it all she wanted—but they both knew that she had a soft spot for the savior.


End file.
